mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
