so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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