in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
