Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize