I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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