When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
