How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
