I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
