these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize