Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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