i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
