i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
