SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
