glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
