we have pet lesbian snakes
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
