home. puking in laundry basket.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
