My hand turned me down
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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