I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
