just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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