i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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