Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
