you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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