Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
