she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
