I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
