how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
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So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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