yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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