...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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