Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I will be naked everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize