Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
