Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
