Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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