I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
