You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
