One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
