So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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