he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I forgot wine drunk hurts
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
