just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
