I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
