I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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