He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
