Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
