Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
