I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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