Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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