I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
