How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
