i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
