Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
