a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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