mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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