You smell like a Billy Joel song
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
