So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
