I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
