we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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