When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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