Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
