Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky ð
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
when your dumb AF ex âaccidentallyâ venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... âsorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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