3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
