yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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