I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
