areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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