He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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