my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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