the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
