Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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