I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
