you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
