I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
