So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
