I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
