I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My vagina just clenched in fear
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
