i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Fuck appropriateness.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
