it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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