When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
