The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
