I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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