My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We got so high we made milksteak
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
