I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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