I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
