We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
