found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
