cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
