i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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