Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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