hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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