i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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