At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
